


DILF Club

by Scourgefan12



Series: Modern DocJan Cinematic Universe [3]
Category: Hellsing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Established Relationship, M/M, Schrodinger isn't there but he's relevant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:20:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27919639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scourgefan12/pseuds/Scourgefan12
Summary: Jan finally starts getting to know the hot doctor he's been dating for the past few months.
Relationships: The Doctor/Jan Valentine
Series: Modern DocJan Cinematic Universe [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2023328
Comments: 3
Kudos: 3





	DILF Club

Jan didn't know much about Doc's personal life. Whether Doc was intentionally keeping secrets or just didn't think Jan would find such information very interesting, it was hard to tell.

Either way, Jan guessed it wasn't that big a deal. Sure he was curious, but he didn't wanna be nosy.

Okay that was a lie, he kinda did, but he chose not to be. Because he didn't wanna be annoying, or worse, too invasive and scare Doc off. This was like, the best thing that had happened to him in a while. And he didn't want it to end like almost all the other good things in his life, where he winds up destroying it or ruining it for himself.

To be fair, Jan really didn't know what counted as 'invasive'. His social skills were a bit... stunted, only having one real friend your whole life will do that to you. He wasn't sure what questions were okay to ask, which ones were weird or too personal. The fact that that shit varied from person to person sure as fuck didn't help.

So, Jan just played it safe. He didn't ask about anything that he wouldn't be okay with answering himself, which took a lot of things off his list of options, but whatever. Better safe than sorry, that's what Luke liked to say. Jan had always thought that saying was fucking moronic, but putting it into practice he was learning that it wasn't all that bad.

Doc wasn't quite as careful, sometimes asking things he had no fucking reason or right to.

Well, logically Jan knew these were just normal questions, about stuff that really shouldn't have mattered. But they also happened to be about things he really didn't like thinking about, so he couldn't help but get a little pissed off.

Thankfully, Doc was never pushy about this. Jan would hit him with an angry tirade about how what Doc was asking about was none of his business and he'd back off. And he usually wouldn't even be upset about Jan being mad at him, at least not upset at Jan. He'd apologize, saying he was sorry for touching on something that was a sensitive subject.

At first Jan had thought Doc wasn't being sincere, that the apologies were some sort of joke or something. And he wouldn't really blame Doc if that were the case, some of the shit that got to him was ridiculous, he kind of deserved to be laughed at. Combine that with the fact that nobody had ever really apologized to him before, could you blame him for not believing it?

But it turned out that, no, Doc was serious. He wasn't secretly laughing at Jan, or passive-aggressively telling him that he was being unreasonable. He really was just... sorry, he felt bad for upsetting Jan.

Jan thought that was really fucking weird, but he wasn't about to complain. 

And over time, Doc got better about this. He stopped asking what Jan considered personal questions. 

He actually kind of stopped inquiring about Jan's life much in general, but that was fine. Jan sure as hell didn't mind, he'd share that shit when he was ready. Which very possibly might be never, but whatever.

Jan had the same attitude about Doc's life. He'd share when he felt like it, and before then it wasn't any of Jan's fucking business.

He was able to pick up on some things without even being told, make assumptions.

One of these was that Doc was an only child. Jan mostly thought this because Doc never mentioned any siblings, and in Jan's experience, people with siblings would at least mention that shit in passing. Of course, the only real 'experience' Jan had was himself and his own brother, but still.

He also was pretty sure Doc lived alone. Doc never mentioned a roommate or anything like that. And sure, that sort of thing might've just not been relevant enough to mention. But Jan thought it would be weird to have a whole second person, or more than that, living with you and never bring it up.

Then there was the assumption that Doc was rich, which... okay that wasn't even Jan assuming things, that was just a fact. The motherfucker was a certified doctor and professional surgeon, and Jan didn't know much about either of those things but he _did_ know that they paid a whole fucking lot. You couldn't be poor and be a doctor at the same time, that just wasn't a thing that happened.

There was more, but Jan didn't have the time or brain power to go through every little detail he'd picked up on.

Anyway, one of those three things was wrong. Jan didn't know this yet, but he was going to find out.

It had happened on a day like any other, he was just living his life same as usual.

Actually, he was doing better than usual. His 'usual' was kind of shit, to be honest. Right now, he was doing pretty great. He'd actually managed to get a full night of sleep, his head was clear. He was considering finally looking for another job. He doubted he'd last very long before he was fired, if he got hired at all, but it was worth a shot. He couldn't expect Luke to be the sole breadwinner of the family forever.

But that wasn't important. What _was_ important was that Jan was about to get his whole fucking world rocked. And sadly for him, that wasn't a euphemism.

One of the first things he always did upon waking up was messaging his boyfriend. That was just a good way to start his morning... or, more likely, his afternoon or evening. This time it was morning, though. Late morning, but still technically morning.

So, that's what he was doing. Talking to Doc, letting him now how his day was going so far and what his plans were.

Well actually, it was more like he was talking _at_ Doc. He wasn't getting much when it came to responses, just like one or two words. On top of that, it was taking Doc ages to reply, at least ten whole minutes each time.

This wasn't exactly uncommon. Doc had like, a life, he couldn't just be on his phone all day. Sometimes Jan just had to deal with this sort of thing til Doc had more time on his hands.

And Jan understood that, he got it. But that didn't mean he enjoyed it. 

A good bit of the time, there was nobody for him to interact with in person. The only person he _really_ had to talk to was Luke, and Luke also happened to be a pretty busy guy. His job (Or, jobs? Like plural? It was hard for Jan to keep track.) took up much of his time. On top of that, he often chose to work overtime. 

Sometimes, Jan suspected that his brother did this on purpose, so that they didn't have to be around each other as much. But then he'd realize that was a completely stupid thing to think, and he should be ashamed of his dumb little insecure brain for even considering it. Luke just did this because he _had_ to. Providing for two people couldn't have been easy, especially if one of those people was Jan. 

Seriously, Jan was pretty sure he alone was responsible for over half of their spending. Some of it was through direct things, like pestering Luke to buy him shit. Other times it was indirect things, like hospital visits or trouble with the law. (His criminal offenses were never anything serious, stuff that could just be paid off. Most of it was stuff like assault or being a public disturbance.)

So yeah, Jan couldn't fault Luke for sometimes not being around very much. It still fucking sucked, though.

Jan wasn't gonna say that he got lonely on his own, admitting that would be lame. He _would_ admit to getting bored, though. There was only so much he could do to entertain himself.

So, he kind of relied on Doc for social interaction.

And now, he was being metaphorically blue-balled out of any real conversation.

He wasn't gonna say anything about it, though. Being a whiny little bitch wouldn't fix the problem, it'd probably just make Doc want to talk even less.

So, he was just gonna deal with it, wait it out. Didn't know what he would do while he was waiting, but he'd figure something out.

He could just go fuck himself, that was always one of his go-to options. He didn't really feel like it, though. He could only do that so many times a day before it started getting old.

He could also play video games, except wait, no he couldn't because they didn't own any sort of console. This was partially due to lack of money, but also because Luke just didn't want one. He didn't trust Jan not to break it after losing one too many times. Which was insulting because first of all, Jan's anger issues weren't _that_ bad, he wasn't gonna start smashing things like a toddler over losing at a game. But second of all, he wouldn't lose in the first place, if he touched a video game he'd undoubtedly be amazing at it and that was a fact.

Maybe now would be a good time to search for that job. But it wasn't like he could just walk in somewhere and expect to be hired, he'd have to find somewhere that was looking for new people, then make sure he actually behaved himself and acted like a normal person during the interview. That wouldn't be too hard in theory, if not for the little problem of him not wanting to do that shit. It seemed like too much work at the moment.

So he didn't really end up figuring anything out, he just winded up getting all restless. Great.

This wasn't anything new, it was something he experienced a lot actually. And he fucking hated it, but not like he could do anything about it. 

The minutes in between Doc's replies seemed to stretch on forever. He couldn't find it in himself to sit still, only stopping in his pacing and fidgeting while he was typing out a response. Doc, when he did find the time to say anything, had Jan's full attention.

He was sure he was going to spend his whole day like this, which meant he was definitely going to go completely insane. Or, more insane, he guessed. Whatever.

Right when he was about ready to snap, bash his head against the wall so he could pass out til Luke got home or _something_ eventful happened, he was spared. Something did end up happening, and he didn't even have to do anything stupid to cause it.

He got a text from Doc. And at first he was sure this would just be another three words tops nothing response, but then he actually read it. 

"Hey, sorry for being so idle today. It's my son's birthday, I'm sure you understand why I've been busy"

After that, he reread it. He went over it probably a hundred fucking times, just to make sure he wasn't seeing things. Stared at it til it didn't even look like words anymore. Eventually, after keeping Doc waiting for at least five minutes, he managed to send something in return. Though, he guessed if Doc really was as busy as he claimed, then the wait wasn't too bad.

"you have a fucking son???"

And when that didn't get an immediate reply, he sent more.

"are you serious?"  
"this isn't a joke right like you're not fucking with me?"  
"you're like. a dad? for real??"  
"and you just didn't think to bring that up before now?? what the fuck!!"

He wasn't actually mad about not being told before, honestly. He thought so, at least? He didn't know how he felt, except really fucking shocked. He was still trying to process the information.

"you said you're a virgin though so what gives"  
"was that a lie? why would you lie about that??"  
"you gettin child support from his bitch mom? what's the whole deal with that like what's up"  
"or like is she dead? like your one true love died and left you with him sorta thing?"  
"if that's what happened then sorry for calling her a bitch i'm sure she was really nice"

He didn't even know what the fuck he was rambling about honestly, he was just saying words. Nervous babbling, or some shit like that. And could you blame him? How was he supposed to act rational after a bombshell like that was dropped on him? Luckily, Doc responded before he could get too carried away.

"He's adopted actually, if you must know"

Oh. Huh. That made a lot of sense actually, why hadn't he thought of that? Same answer as most other questions in his life, cause he was a fucking idiot.

"As for why I didn't tell you, surely you can figure that out yourself"

Doc sure was expecting a lot from him. Thankfully, he was kind enough to explain it for Jan.

"It was hard to find a good time. How was I supposed to just casually bring something like this up?"

The way he'd done just a few minutes ago, maybe? Just a thought.

"Plus"  
"I was kind of"  
"Scared, if I'm being honest"  
"Single parents are something people tend to avoid when looking for a partner. I guess I was worried that if you knew you'd want to split up"  
"Which was irresponsible of me, I'm just now realizing. People also try to avoid partners who keep big, important secrets from them"

Oh yeah, that was a thing, wasn't it? Jan didn't know much about dating and all that, but single parents were a group that most people didn't want anything to do with, huh? For some reason, that had slipped his mind. 

The knowledge that Doc was scared of Jan breaking up with him over this was legitimately surprising. And it also kind of scared Jan too, because such a possibility had never crossed his mind. Him breaking things off with Doc was actually a kind of funny thought in its absurdity. Or, it would be, if it wasn't also completely horrifying.

"woah hold up, slow down"  
"nobody's breaking up with anyone"  
"i'm not even mad why the fuck would i do that"

"Seriously? You're not even a little upset?"

"no?"  
"like honestly i get it i don't blame you or nothing i'd probably do the same thing if i was in your shoes"  
"i mean if anything i'm mad you think so little of me that you'd expect me to run out on you when i find out you have a kid"

That was a lie, he didn't actually care that much. He was kind of offended, but it made sense. He acted so irresponsible and noncommittal about so much shit in his life. He took almost nothing seriously, including their relationship itself half the time, acting like he was just in it for a good time instead of just being honest and saying how he really feels. Obviously Doc would assume he'd run for the hills, if anything he was lucky Doc had still wanted to be with him for some reason before this was cleared up.

And if he was being completely honest with himself, part of him _did_ want to run. But it had nothing to do with Doc, and everything to do with himself.

If he actually thought about this, it was fucking scary. Like, if he was dating someone who had a kid, that technically made him a dad too, right? Just by association? That was _terrifying_. 

He didn't fucking trust himself around kids. Not in a weird way, but he just... had problems, you know? Of the anger variety. He could barely stand to be around _himself_ without flipping his lid. Nearly all his trouble with the law was from him fucking attacking people. (And yeah, he firmly believed that all those people had deserved it. They'd started it. But that didn't suddenly make it not a problem, especially considering most of them had only 'started it' because he'd been provoking them.)

How was he supposed to be around a kid without beating it to a bloody pulp? Kids were way more annoying than the average person, since they were still too young to have learned how to not be annoying. That was something he and them had in common actually, except he was old enough to know better.

Just thinking about this was making him start to shake, he felt a little sick. He didn't want to hurt Doc's kid, that was the last thing he wanted. But hitting children was basically the only thing he'd learned from his own father, it was the only real parental experience he had. How could he trust himself to not be like that too?

While he was a few seconds away from an earth shattering panic attack, an idea came to his mind.

What if he just... didn't think of it as his kid? Instead of thinking of himself as a father, what if he treated Doc's kid like a little brother?

That might have been kind of weird, and logically he knew this didn't do anything to change the role he'd play in Doc's son's life, it was just swapping out one word for another. Still... it did sort of help.

He had no idea how to be a dad, a good one anyway. But he had a lifetime of experience as a brother. Sure, he had no idea what being the older brother was like, but it couldn't have been that hard. All he had to do was act like Luke, except cooler. God, he was a fucking genius.

With that crisis averted, he turned his attention back to the conversation at hand. He'd unintentionally ignored a fuckton of messages from Doc. Most of them were what he would expect, Doc expressing relief and gratitude over Jan doing the bare minimum and not dumping him. As well as some attempts to steer things to a more normal topic after Jan didn't respond for a while.

Jan completely ignored everything that was said to him and typed his own thing.

"so how old is he?"

He was curious. He knew he was gonna have to play the part of older brother, but how much older? Like, was he dealing with a straight up baby here? Or was the kid closer to being an adult?

He guessed there was also the chance that Doc's kid was older than him, but he doubted it. That would be weird, for a few reasons but mostly because that would mean Doc decided to start dating someone younger than his literal fucking son. And Jan really didn't think Doc was the type to do that sort of shit. He seemed like he had, you know, a moral compass. (Though honestly, it's not like Jan would make a huge deal if that were the case. He was too depraved to care too much, he was down if Doc was down.)

"What?"

"don't what me come on. you know"  
"your son how old is he turning today? you said it's his bday"  
"which btw tell him i said happy birthday"  
"unless he doesn't know i exist then don't"

"Oh, right"  
"As of today, he's fifteen"

Teenager, huh? They were supposed to be hard to deal with, right? Doc had Jan's condolences.

"He does know you exist, by the way"  
"I doubt I could keep a secret from him if I tried"  
"Actually I know I can't, because I initially avoided telling him and he found out anyway"

"damn he like go thru your phone or something? overhear us talking?"

"I don't know! He just figured it out, somehow"

"sneaky little bastard, i respect it"  
"btw does he have a name? kinda want something to call him other than just your son"

"Yes actually, it's Schrodinger"

"wait really? like the cat??"  
"why did you name him that that's fucking lame"

It _did_ sound like a name Doc would come up with, though. He was a fucking nerd.

Jan was actually kind of impressed with himself for recognizing it, normally references like that would fly over his head. 

"Yes well, take that up with him. I'm not the one who chose it"  
"That's not even his legal name, but he likes it better than his real name, so"

Huh. Interesting. Jan made a mental note to bully Schrodinger for his name choice if the two of them ever met.

He and Doc spent a few more minutes talking, but after a short while Doc had to go. He'd already been gone far too long, his son was likely getting impatient. He promised to contact Jan again later, when he was free.

And thus, Jan was left alone again. He didn't mind it as much this time, though. Now he had plenty of shit to think about, lots to occupy his time. He was probably gonna be thinking about this for a few days, actually. Fucking crazy.

**Author's Note:**

> On the official Hellsing wiki, did you know that it says Schrodinger and Doc have a father-son relationship? That's just a canon thing? Schro is just... his fucking son?? It's insane, I think about it rlly often  
> Anyway yeah, with that in mind Doc is definitely still his dad in the Modern AU
> 
> This gave me a lot of trouble & I wrote it in like 5 different sittings so if some parts seem wonky then that's why *pensive emoji*


End file.
